YouTube video (original content): This is why you're still single in 2024

TLDW:

There was a recent post implying that Christian marriage rates are decreasing. This is not true. While marriage rates are falling on the whole, the marriage rate among Christians remains steady. (source) Although many societal factors come into play with regards to the difficulty of finding a high-value spouse (and I agree that it can be tremendously difficult for most Christians), the ultimate reasons are more in our control than we like to admit:

1. You are not in a place where you are valued or have good options

2. You are not searching hard enough or long enough

3. You are not attractive enough to the kind of person you want to attract

Here's a few examples I see from this subreddit:

1. You are not in a place where you are valued or have good options

   1. Example: "I'm the only Christian in my entire town in northern India!"

   2. Example: "I live in Podunk, Nebraska, and still live with my parents"

2. You are not searching hard enough or long enough

   1. Example: "I put up a dating app profile and I go to church. Where are all of the hot single Christians my age?!?!"

   2. Example: "I just turned 18 and I'm so depressed that I'm single" (me: lol)

3. You are not attractive enough to the kind of person you want to attract

   1. Example: "I'm a 7/10, I think, but for some reason the guys I think are cute ignore me!"

   2. Example: "I don't go to church or have a job, but I want a Christian trad wife"

The solution:

1. Honestly assess your deficiencies.

   1. This can be hard to do on your own. Its easy to have blind spots. Moreover, friends and family will frequently tell you what you want to hear, not what you need to hear. DM me if you want help at no cost.

2. Apply this three-pronged dating strategy

   1. Be where you're valued and have options

      1. This doesn't necessarily mean moving, but for some people, it does. It can also mean expanding your search zone, changing churches, changing social circles, etc.

   2. Cast a wide net

      1. Average-looking men and women can expect searching for a high value spouse to feel like a part-time job, at least at first

   3. Continuously self-improve

      1. Physically, emotionally, socially, professionally (mainly for men), spiritually

3. Collect data and iterate accordingly

   1. Many Christians don't understand what they want (or need) in a spouse. In their desperation to marry young (or because of lust), they marry the first person that reciprocates strong interest. I know a lot of marriages that failed because of this. I'm not telling anyone its wrong to marry your first love. But for most people, the safest course of action is to gather data about what you want and what you're able to attract. That way you can go into marriage with the peace of mind that you didn't settle.

Question: Would you say that you know why you're single but simply won't act on it? Or would you say you're uncertain about why you're single?

I read a statistic a few months ago that showed fundamental Christian marriages have a 32-34% divorce rate. Atheist divorce rate is 1-2%. What are we as Christians not doing right? And those of you seasoned saints of God, what did you do or not do that has made your marriages last 30, 40, 50 or more years? I made mistakes in mine. I’m looking to learn a lot in my time of “exile”. I don’t want to go through this again and want to help others avoid this. We should be the light and salt of the world.

Especially since Bible condemns divorce. We supposedly only get one shot at marriage in our lifetime. Since it’s meant to be an event that influences and binds us for basically an eternity. I’m perplexed when many within this subreddit seem to suggest to young couples to get married as soon as possible. Isn’t it something we should take a long time to consider and think about doing to minimize the chances of it not working out?